i had yet another revelation tonight and it wasn't a good one, but it is one i don't really know how to fix, because i don't think it will ever change.
i think i will be like this the rest of my life, and deep down, for some reason, i'm okay with that.
i am the loneliest when i go home after hanging out with friends.
for instance, i went to get a sno cone with a friend of mine and when walking to my apartment i had this overbearing, mind-boggling feeling of loneliness...i can barely put into words the amount of loneliness i feel when i leave hanging out with people. it's like this heart-wrenching pain that people can never express.
another instance, monday night, leaving a friends house and heading home i felt like i had no friends, that no one likes me and that no one cares, when i just left a friends house, who i know cares about me...that is so crazy, why do i do that?
it is something about me i will never understand.
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i know the feeling, it happens. sometimes we are just in periods of disconnect, i think, like during transitional periods or when we're processing ourselves and focused in on what we're really about. maybe that's where you are now? but it won't last forever. it will come and go...but know that i love you and am thinking of you LOTS. and god is always there to talk to.
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