friend m and friend n have always had good boundaries with their friendship, and not only that, have been friends for most of their life. friend m understands friend n and vice versa, they understand why each other is the way they are, and are just in tune with how the other person works...this is why their boundaries are so good, they know what to talk about with each other, and how to respect the other person. but the boundary line was starting to get fuzzy because friend n was realizing how friend m works forced friend n to put their needs on the back burner. friend n realized this is not friend m's fault because friend n is the reason the friendship isn't really where they want it to be. friend m did nothing wrong, not verbalizing their life or going to friend n is not a personal vendetta towards friend n, they just don't like the attention.
basically, friend n wasn't trusting the friendship in knowing, just because friend m doesn't share all the time it isn't because they don't care. friend n didn't realize it is perfectly acceptable to ask for clarity in the friendship (redefining the boundaries). friend n also did not have faith in them self or believe they are actually important to friend m, and that is not friend m's problem.
lesson learned: knowing what our own needs are, are just as, if not more important then knowing the needs of the other person.