'tell me would you *kill to save a life?'

a picture frame that can't be filled
torn between telling the truth and keeping a friend
wanting to bleed
these are all shallow
these are all selfish
these are all dumb
wanting to have fun...to feel free
not belonging
not being able to live
wanting something that will never come
this is silly
this is ridiculous
this is no big deal...really
wanting the beauty to shine.

*'kill' doesn't necessarily mean killing someone else.


'the purpose of all wars...is peace.'

new favorite dude to get quotes from: st. augustine.
there is a specific quote i am looking for but cannot find, but through searching i have found some pretty great words of the wise!

'since love grows within you, so beauty grows, for love is the beauty of the soul.'

'faith is to believe what you do not see, the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.'

these are just the start...love this guy!

my favorites of 2009

one from each month.
january and december maybe my favorites...interesting.

am i important



what can i do for you

for you

losing your hearts desire

the battle i don't want to fight

two worlds coming together

what i see that they don't

i guess i know better now

living cautiously may kill us faster

he who fears has not yet been made perfect in love

the heart.

"a man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
and when the weeds begin to grow it’s like a garden full of snow.
and when the snow begins to fall, it’s like a bird upon the wall.
and when the bird away does fly, it’s like an eagle in the sky.
and when the sky begins to roar, it’s like a lion at the door.
and when the door begins to crack, it’s like a stick across your back.
and when your back begins to smart, it’s like a penknife in your heart.
and when your heart begins to bleed, you’re dead, and dead, and dead indeed."
-james lucas scott


the 10 who pay attention

1) dan robinson
2) donnie keeney
3) kate robinson
4) alicia bigelow
5) misty cole
6) catherine thornton
7) melissa sinha
8) yuya tada
9) chris crooks
10) joel cox

i know i am loved by these 10 people!


he who fears has not yet been made perfect in love

she loved him for 10 years.
she knows he loved her,
but nothing real ever came from it.
these two never lived happily ever after.
she does not regret this,
and she's sure he doesn't even care...anymore at least.
what came from this love for him was this lesson learned;
if she were to ever get him, to truly get what she wanted with all her heart, she would have ended up feeling small.
she would have felt unimportant, defeated, and not good enough.
for he, in every aspect of the word, is perfect.
this perfection did not vanquish the lack of confidence in her.
10 years it took her to learn this.
but he, the boy who is prefect for her, has yet to learn this lesson about the girl he once loved.


'life is full of beauty, notice it.'

every story has a hero and with every hero there is a villain.
but how many stories are there where the person the story is about turns out to be the villain?
i would say most of them.
and with this story, how many times can the person be confident in knowing who the hero is?
i would say not many of them.
in the year of 2009, i was my own villain, and i have yet to figure out who my hero was...or still is.
i hope everyone who realizes they are their own villain learns being their own worst enemy is not how we should be living life. nowhere in the definition of the word, 'villain,' are the words; hope, beauty, love, and grace.
and i hope those of us who haven't acknowledged our heroes, delve deep, because that is where the words; hope, beauty, love, and grace best present themselves.


is home really sweet?

i have been home for not even 48 hours...with a wedding yesterday in topeka...so lets make it...i have been home for about 30 hours and i have already been told this by both parents; or something close to it--

'i'd be very dissapointed in you if you did this...'

i would tell you why they said this to me...but that would prove stupidity.
which no child should ever do to the people who raised them.
can you feel the sarcasm?



"when we're young, one hour can change everything."

-tell something personal
"what really matters is that you know who you really are, and how you want the world to see you."

-tell something you're afraid of.

"you have 50 minutes...go."

-where do you want to be in 10 years?
"can 50 minutes matter?"

-tell a secret


'play'n with them good girls, no that ain't your style...

what i will take from this semester:

personal life:
-the answer that screams the loudest is no answer at all.
-leaving anything unfinished really bothers me.
- movies are not meant to be processed verbally...that's why they are movies. books, sure. music, of course. not movies, we are meant to sit there, watch it, and not talk.
- walking away from things/people/situations is not that difficult when you're heart is not that attached...but when it is...some hard lessons will be learned.
- find beauty in everything and the best thing to do is to know yourself the best...except the one person who loves you the most.
- overall, with all the crap that happened this semester; life couldn't be better.

- i won't get arrested if i eat vegetables for breakfast...courtesy of personal wellness
- black cohosh is apart of the buttercup family...who knew?...basic nutrition at it's best.
- it costs $150 a day to rehab a juvenile delinquent... social problems was my sanity
- dental dams are just down right funny...i am so so so glad i joined S.H.A.P.E
- school shooters and suicide victims are killing the american dream....says people who strongly believe in the power of suburbia usa...one of my best papers!
-i really did make school my number one focus this semester...and that pretty much rules.

theme song to this semester - hot mess

...you're a hot mess, and i'm fall'n for you.'



feelings maybe hurt...but i'm apathetic

so, i never thought i would blog about this, but here it is...
i hate my apartment so much....ugh, so much.
and knowing i have to do it all again next semester puts so much hate in my heart.
just walking to my door...i can't even explain it...pure hatred.
i can't be here anymore.


'this is a song for anyone with a broken heart...'

sometimes i really hate the people i trust the most.
because i don't know if i really do trust them.
or why i trust them.
or what they have done specifically to gain my trust.
sometimes i wonder if i will be able to keep trusting them.
this post is one big contradiction...trust and doubt intertwining.

with tears

"sometimes i think we waste our words and we waste our moments and we don't take the time to say what's on our hearts when we have the chance."-oth


fat talk free week

some statistics for you to put in perspective:

first a disclaimer!... even though the above video is geared towards women, men struggle with body image and eating disorders also...it does happen even though many people don't believe so.

-anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychological disorder.
-age group with the highest prevelance: 18- 19 years old.
-age group with the second highest prevelance: 11-15 years old.
-- 33% of teenagers ages 11-15 have said they have dealt with or are dealing with an eating disorder.
--10% of that 33% said their eating disorder started before the age of 10.
--42% of children in 1st to 3rd grade want to be thinner then they already are.
--20% of elementary aged girls 'starve' themselves to lose weight.
--24% of elementary school children skip meals to lose weight.
--60% of 6th grade girls would rather be blind or paralyzed then be over-weight.
-these same 6th graders said being over-weight gave the same feeling of being excluded and upset
-over half of teen girls use unhealthy weight control tactics for the sole purpose to be thinner...not healthy
-over 1/3 of teen boys do the same thing.
--35% of 'normal' dieters progress to pathological dieting
-from this 35%, 20-25% progress to having a full-blown eating disorder
--23% of college students suffer or has suffered from an eating disorder.
-want perspective: if there are 360 students in a room, that is, give or take 90 students.
-using scare tactics as a way of prevention does not help, it shows techniques on how to have an eating disorder

---these are all approximate and from studies around the usa because of course, people lie and would rather keep it a secret.---


i can't help it...

'i want your love, and i want your revenge,
i want your love, i don't wanna be friends,
--break to that in french!--
i don't want to be friends, want a bad romance,
i want your love and i want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance.'

...i just think these lyrics are so dang clever...and a pretty good legit question.

blast you lady gaga...ya got me.

'you know all those books i have that i won't let you read? it's just all these love poems that are about you.'

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.