we will be victorious

check it...

me!


them...

perfection. bliss. and i'll just say it, love.

march 12! chicago.

sticks and stones would have been a nice touch.

'you are a horrible friend, how can people like you? i feel bad for the people you're going to counsel because i'm afraid you have issues, and you can throw that christian judgment and go straight to hell.'

most hurtful words ever said to me...glad i got that out of the way at age 21.

i miss you. ;)

and hansel said to gretel: "let us drop these breadcrumbs so that together we find our way home." because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. this year, i lost my way...

and losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. but losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.

the journey lasted eight months. sometimes i travelled alone, sometimes, there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. but when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who arrived. It wasn’t me at all.

and once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. the person you wanted to be. the person you are.

'miles from where you are'

now, i don't usually let previews get to me or prove to me that i just have to see a movie, but there is this movie that is soooooo not my style that has me dying to see it and that is, 'dear john.'

two reasons;

-it has channing tatum in it...if you know me, you know how i feel about this smok'n hot sex god.

-the song, 'set the fire to the third bar' by snow patrol.

so, to the editors, p.r reps, and producers...you got me, good work.

i will see this movie because the previews are just so damn good.

the power of touch

i am a firm believer in the concept of love languages.
i truly believe if we know which love language belongs to who, we will know them on a much more profound level.
well, for those of you who do not know what love languages are, here is a quick synopsis...
there are five universal languages;
acts of kindness/service...pretty self-explanatory.
words of affirmation....encouragement, optimism, etc.
quality time....again, pretty understandable.
physical touch....any hugger you know, this is them.
gift giving...do not misconstrue this for spoiled or materialistic.
well, with these five, they can go two ways; showing love and receiving love.
for me, my order is this;
- gift giving (giving and receiving)
-quality time (receiving)
- words of affirmation (giving, and is becoming more important for me to receive)
- physical touch (i am learning to receive this more, and really starting to understand the importance, while also learning how to give it to the people who i know are physical touch)
-acts of kindness (giving most definitely, and i don't really enjoy people doing things for me, like, i don't feel loved at all by this love language)

my number one is gift giving, if someone gives me something...so much joy just builds up inside of me, i can barely contain myself, and i love love love giving people presents.
but for this post, the big one on the list is physical touch because i used to be very very anti-physical touch, i never wanted anyone touching me, i have a huge personal bubble and i usually flinch when people try to touch me or even come near me.
i then realized i was never being touched; other then my parents, i would go months without being touched... no hugs, kiss on the cheek, pats on the back, or just touching someone when we sitting next to each other on the couch and this was starting to really, really affect me.
well, my roommate is major physical touch...like 100%, and though i don't think i will ever be at her level, i have learned that for our sanity, self-esteem, and to just keep living, we need to be touched, even if it is something as simple as a soft squeeze of the arm to show comfort.
i finally realized that the people i feel closest to, or the friends of mine that i am most comfortable with are the people who i need this form of love from and i'm not getting it.
there is one friend that knows if i ever need something, or every time he sees me, knows to stop whatever he's doing and embrace me, but then i have others that do what i used to do...step away really quickly, flinch, or keep their distance.
i never thought i would feel so disconnected and torn from friends solely because i never touch them.
so, when physical touch used to be last on my list, it is moving up because i finally understand the importance of what this particular type of love shows.

'the past is never dead, it's not even past'

golden globes time!
pretty pumped about it, because i wanted to see 'nine' so bad, but didn't get a chance.

--nbc's camera work was awful--

ricky gervais! amazing, love him.
aaaaaand i am already tired of the nbc snubs, we have gotten one from all the reporters from the red carpet, julia roberts (what was her deal? i think she was already a lit-tle bit tipsy), ricky gervais...(sir, stop being so mean to steve), and many others...let it go people! go team conan.

7:15
mo'nique won best supporting actress for playing a sexually molesting mother in the movie 'precious'...hard speech to beat, but we'll see, so far she's in first place.

7:20ish
uhhhhh, did anyone else see paul maccartney grab the mike, and say 'stop?'
he has that power you know!

7:30
thought? do the ribbons for haiti really help? just say'n.

7:32
who's this old dude? i think he is apart of the foreign press...whatevs, he's boring.

7:33
gosh! i really need to start watching 'mad men.'

7:34
whad up with the hat? it's like philip seymore hoffman from the oscars like, last year or something.
wait! he could be sick, so maybe i should be nice, since one, i don't know who he is, and two, i don't know the sitiation.

--oh!!! so glad 30 rock hasn't won yet! ugh, so over that show, now that i have thought about it, was never into it. woohoo...no more monopoly of 30 rock!--

7:42
wow harrison ford, could you sound more bored?

7:43
i just love ricky so much! however, his opening dialogue could have been better.

7:44
whoa! devil meets angel...cher (sick, gross, and gag) and christina (beautiful as always)

7:45
does anyone notice that maggie (jake's sister) just shows up in movies? we never expect her or anything, she's just there...she's pretty solid though, such an amazing actress.

7:48
booya 'where the wild things are!'
but 'up,' won original score and that's cool too.
yeah yeah, that was a great category, all nice options.

7:52
these target commercials are fantastic....haha, they're perfect. british guy with a bow tie. brilliant.

7:53
oh gosh! check out amy adams rack....really high and very pushed together...phew, not very attractive for such a cute girl...but! i did just remember she's totally prego.
and josh brolin is a hottie, good work diane lane for snatching that one.

7:55
thought? they need a bigger space, people can barely get to the stage.

7:57
stop talking!!...the music has been going for more then 30 seconds

--only two people have gotten the music, so that's good.--

7;59
what kind of transition was that ricky? not enough of a pause, but that's just me.

8:00
did anyone else see the ring on the woman nominated for 'nine?' good lord, that sucker was huge!

8:01
yes! meryl streep with a win!

8:02
she says, 'oh gosh,' just like me! yay.

8:03
running out of time meryl.. nail biter.

give her enough time nbc...don't play that music...don't do it.

8:04
oh no, i'm getting nervous...nbc!
do not do it!

oh phew. they let her finish...blab about her mother. it was riveting, really. (this is sarcasm)

it is now 8:05

8:09
wow, hellen mirren is so gorgeous. that dress was amazing...just thought i would put that out there.

8:12
i really need hbo so i know what half these 'for tv movies,' and miniseries are. maybe when i'm not a poor college student.

8:14
oh no, drew barrymore doesn't even know what to do with herself, haha. she's so cute.
she's a freaking barrymore, no need to apologize for her etiquette.
atta girl drew, acknowledging mo'niques speech.
that salute was a-dor-a-ble.
i wish we were friends, she's so cool.

8:18
i think target has had a brand new commercial for each break. i wonder how much money that took to do?

8:21
bright red, smok'n hot dress ms. cameron diaz is wearing.

these people are making meryl streep sound like a slut...not cool.

8:25
i get that people want to be humble, but don't keep wanting other people to win over you, take it, and enjoy it.

8:26
third time the music has stop someone.

8:27
ashton kutcher is looking older...probably wanting to look closer to his wife's age.

maggie gyllenhaal, so classy.

8:34
sofia lauren: she's got the badass old lady glasses, pink rosey cheeks, and the dark eye shadow. there ya go grandma...cliche grandma that is.

8:39
first time i have ever heard a director thank child actors before anyone else...that's pretty cool actually.

fourth person to get the music, they are already having to cut people short...that sucks for the later winners... boo that

8:40
fifth person to get the music. i blame the two women who talked at the 7:57 mark, they just wouldn't shut up about, 'thank you for saying yes,' what does that even mean? they must have gotten aloooooot, alot, alot of no's for their script.

8:45
o o o o o, i want '500 days of summer to win!' there was nothing about this movie that i did not like.

8:47
who all thought 'glee' would be all nominated for golden globes and such?...that's so awesome.
i don't even watch the show and i know it's amazingness.

8:48
she ripped her dress (it was ugly)...that blows. and (in a 'you know what' tone) she will have to purchase that dress because it is not going back unharmed.

8:49
i think ricky is drinking a beer?!?

8:50
will he (director of 'up') get the music?!?!
let's see...

8:51
nope, not yet...
--waiting--
--wating--
--waiting--
--waiting--

8:52
still going...and a very very good speech. --second place--
there it is, but for like not even a second, but still counts.
sixth person.

8:53
robert de niro and leonardo dicaprio honoring martin scorsese...
history in the making. three of the most influential men in film history...wow.

9:03
'movies are the memories of our lifetime, we need to keep them alive,'-scorsese

9:07
i'm so jealous of this guy.
scorsese is a guy i would want as a grandpa! how cool would that be?
a man who truly loves film.

9:14
a little disappointed in ricky gervais, not doing a great job with transitions, and has only been funny about two times.

9:15
quinton or clint
quinton or clint

nope
it went to james cameron...kinda lame, but avatar has made so much money, it's not even fair.
'frankly i gotta pee something fierce,'
winner of best director ladies and gentlemen. (said like an announcer)

9:18
agian with the 'expecting someone else to win.' just stop it.

what!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 1/2 years...avatar took to make.

9:19
please not '30 rock'
please
please
but yes please for 'glee!'
'modern family,' can win too,
but 'the office' needs a win!

but boom! glee got it....woohoo.

9:21
this show was brilliant from the beginning, no surprise there.

9:22
thought? i wonder if tv stars stick with fellow tv stars and movie stars stick with movie stars when they say hi to each other during break?...hmmm. curious.

9:25
brad cooper is so sexy...ugh, i can't even handle it.

9:26
for how much i want '500 days of summer' to win, i really really really want 'the hangover' to win because comedies get snubbed all the time in film catagories.

--fingers crossed--
--breath being held--

and the golden globe goes to...
the hangover!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hell. yes, the tiger snooze brings me so much joy.

9:32
saluting to it right now.
belt it out with me now, you know you want to...
'doug, doug, dooug, doug, dougy, dougy, doug, doug.'

9:36
and of course sandra bullock won for her best role to date in, 'the blind side.'

9:38
they gave her the music...lame
that's number 7.

9:39
i want joseph from '500' to win, but...it goes to;
robert downey jr for sherlock holmes...which was fantastic, so so good.
nice win there jr.
wow, don't mess with him he will kill that music if it plays...such a badass.
he maybe taking 2nd place for speeches...yep, he got it, because he 'isn't' thanking anyone, but just so happened to drop about 15 names.

--toll; 1st place: mo'nique
robert, and the 'up' director

9:46
i don't care what anyone says...kate winslet is gorgeous.

9:48
i don't think jeff bridges has won, either in a longtime or ever. but he got a long standing ovation.

9:49
but the question is, will he get the music?

9:50
still going...

his suit is nice! he looks sharp.

still going...

he's in the clear...almost started sweat'n bullets.

9:55
i kinda don't want 'avatar' to win...a little overrated.

but it goes to...

avatar...it obviously did something right.

9:58
and the most hated thing at the globes this year goes to...

the music

--7 people total

9:59
and there were only three double wins...'avatar' and 'dexter'

overall, good show.
ricky was a straight shooter, a little subpar, but not awful, and the globes as a whole, a little boring, but i would give it a, b.
speeches were quite good this year!

'nine' didn't win anything...lame.

the beauty is in the attempt

'and if ever i'm caught doing what i should not, they'll assume i'm an innocent girl.'
'if the children don’t grow up, our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.'
'we're so far away from home, but brother you're not alone and i promise to climb back up here to you.'
'cause you're all i want, you're all i need, you're everything.'
'be my friend. hold me, wrap me up. unfold me. i am small, and needy. warm me up, and breathe me.'
'this is a song for anyone with a broken heart.'
'i promise not to try not to fuck with your mind. i promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine. i promise not to lie if i'm looking you straight in the eye. i promise not to try not to, not to, not to leave.'
'i'm surprised that you've never been told before that you're lovely, and you're perfect, and that somebody wants you.'
'so now you running wild, playing with them good girls, no, that ain't your style...well, you're a hot mess and I'm falling for you.'
'you're so sweet, you're so sweet, you're so sweet, i wanna cry.'
'i feel so untouched and i want you so much that i just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that i miss you.'
'and i'm no good at this, it's like the story of my life...against the one sure thing in mine.'
'i don't want somebody to love me, just give me sex whenever i want it, cause all i ask for is instant pleasure.'
'i won't lie, i still can't say that i admit we went too far, and you won't see me change my mind, but i really wish that i could forget the way you are.'
'this time i will be listening...'
'well i had my ways, they were all in vain, but she waited patiently.'
'i want your loving, and i want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance.'
'what a pretty friend of mine, we're finally intertwined, nervous and shy for the moment we will come alive tonight, secret valentine.'
'would you believe me if i said i didn't need you? 'cause i wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.'
'one night of magic rush, the start a simple touch, one night to push and scream and then relief.'
'cause everybody tries to put some love on the line and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes .'
'now i can see what this means to you, it meant nothing to me.'
'maybe it's because, you don't know me at all.'
'let us die young or let us live forever, we don't have the power, but we never say never .'
'i am everything you want. i am everything you need...but i mean nothing to you and i don't know why.'
'did you ever believe? were you ever a dreamer? ever imagine heart open and free?

what if i'm the person for them?

it's been awhile and i apologize, but this will be short and sweet and very cliche for this blog, but...
i have pretty much figured myself out, and i like who that is.
i have eased on a few specific things, and i love how that makes me feel.
i am already laid back and very mellow, i didn't know i could get anymore that way.
life is good.

'you don't always get what you want.'
'why do people keep saying that? we can get what we want.'