i am a firm believer in the concept of love languages.
i truly believe if we know which love language belongs to who, we will know them on a much more profound level.
well, for those of you who do not know what love languages are, here is a quick synopsis...
there are five universal languages;
acts of kindness/service...pretty self-explanatory.
words of affirmation....encouragement, optimism, etc.
quality time....again, pretty understandable.
physical touch....any hugger you know, this is them.
gift giving...do not misconstrue this for spoiled or materialistic.
well, with these five, they can go two ways; showing love and receiving love.
for me, my order is this;
- gift giving (giving and receiving)
-quality time (receiving)
- words of affirmation (giving, and is becoming more important for me to receive)
- physical touch (i am learning to receive this more, and really starting to understand the importance, while also learning how to give it to the people who i know are physical touch)
-acts of kindness (giving most definitely, and i don't really enjoy people doing things for me, like, i don't feel loved at all by this love language)
my number one is gift giving, if someone gives me something...so much joy just builds up inside of me, i can barely contain myself, and i love love love giving people presents.
but for this post, the big one on the list is physical touch because i used to be very very anti-physical touch, i never wanted anyone touching me, i have a huge personal bubble and i usually flinch when people try to touch me or even come near me.
i then realized i was never being touched; other then my parents, i would go months without being touched... no hugs, kiss on the cheek, pats on the back, or just touching someone when we sitting next to each other on the couch and this was starting to really, really affect me.
well, my roommate is major physical touch...like 100%, and though i don't think i will ever be at her level, i have learned that for our sanity, self-esteem, and to just keep living, we need to be touched, even if it is something as simple as a soft squeeze of the arm to show comfort.
i finally realized that the people i feel closest to, or the friends of mine that i am most comfortable with are the people who i need this form of love from and i'm not getting it.
there is one friend that knows if i ever need something, or every time he sees me, knows to stop whatever he's doing and embrace me, but then i have others that do what i used to do...step away really quickly, flinch, or keep their distance.
i never thought i would feel so disconnected and torn from friends solely because i never touch them.
so, when physical touch used to be last on my list, it is moving up because i finally understand the importance of what this particular type of love shows.
the pals.
2 comments:
It's really interesting to see all of these types of gestures broken down, and so true! Hugging is a bit of a weird one for me too. I like giving and receiving them, but I always worry that people might find it inappropriate for me to hug them. But recently, on two separate occasions, I met new people who at the end of our meeting, asked if they could hug me, and I was so touched by it! I think I needed it, but it was also such a nice feeling to think that someone I had just met cared enough to want to give me a hug. So hugs to you too! :-)
BAM! ;)
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