lately i have come to realize that i am a very defiant person.
lets take a glance at the definition:
well, i would agree with these definitions, but what i am relating to is, i am pretty defiant to the belief system in which i was raised...so, would that make me a rebel?
i enjoy breaking rules.
i sometimes look for the opportunity.
it isn't that i disagree with how i was raised...i, in no way, shape, or form should complain on this issue...i was raised by two of the best parents to ever walk this earth.
however, there are so many things i was afraid to do growing up because of how specific activities were presented to me...scare tactics or a 'it is just wrong' philosophy,(this mainly came from my culture and environment) that i figured out that trying things that are opposite of what i learned growing up does not make me defiant, it makes me curious...
lets take a glance at the definition:
-a state in which you want to learn about something new
-a desire to know or learn
...it is what i do with that curiosity that can make me defiant.
i was thinking about the past couple weeks and thinking, 'what happened to me?' 'what am i doing?' and i felt guilty for about 2 minutes and figured out... i should never regret what i do., while also knowing this is me living my life, this is exactly what i should be doing as a 21 year old.
as long as i am careful, keep myself safe, as well as others, and know when to take responsibility for my actions...there is no issue, no reason to ever over think things.
hey, hey did you ever think there might be another way to just feel better, just feel better about today
oh no- if you never want to have to turn and go away you might feel better, might feel better if you stay yeah yeah i bet you haven't heard a word i've said yeah yeah if you've had enough of all your tryin' just give up the state of mind you're in: if you want to be somebody else, if you're tired of fighting battles with yourself if you want to be somebody else change your mind...
hey hey- have you ever danced in the rain or thanked the sun just for shining- just for shining or the sea? oh no- take it all in the world's a show and yeah, you look much better, look much better when you glow
hey hey- what ya say we both go and seize the day 'cause what's your hurry what's your hurry anyway
and i am celebrating by doing a convo. from the movie 'up,' that i finally saw yesterday and my friend donnie probably wanted to punch me in the face for punching him in the arm preparing him for the up coming conversation that i knew about between carl and russell!
are you ready?!?
'but i'm tirred, and my kneee hurts'-russell
'my elbow hurts and i have to go to the baathroom'-russell
moving on from the life we used to have and the life we chose to leave is really difficult when there is something to remind us of all the crap we brought upon ourselves and all the brainless issues we took so personally on a daily basis.
those people who do that, who remind us of who we used to be because they can't leave that mindset...they can't see the different person standing in front of them makes me want to hit someone.
the past two years of my life those two words have been pushed in my face because that is what everyone is doing these days...which is great! don't get me wrong, but heaven forbid someone doesn't want to do this with their life, and heaven forbid someone doesn't really enjoy evangelism, or feel called to it.
well, i have been at the wrong here, i have been bitter and angry at my christian outlets for every sermon and every organizations purpose being 'how the best way to evangelize is, and why it is the most important aspect of our religion...blah blah blah,' that i haven't realized that my strengths and spiritual gifts are just as important as the people who rock at evangelizing.
here is a snip from a blog that i never posted because i couldn't bring myself to without really thinking about what i was typing. this blog has to do with christians putting an emphasis on one thing...particularly evangelism, but for other religions like mormonism it's prophecy, or for middle eastern religions it's prayer, etc. etc.
'the change that was made; the body of this building went from being theological, deep, and intimate, we went from truly learning the message of jesus through the bible and really understanding what it means to live for christ through many different outlooks; prayer, bible studies, evangelism, really studying the bible, and through personal interaction with our fellow brother and sisters in christ. where the change happened. these for mentioned ways of building the christian community were quite balanced in my opinion but two years ago the term 'evangelism,' sky-rocketed to the top and pretty much put all the other well balanced ways of loving jesus on the back burner...and you know what? they fried.'
i am not one to go out on a street corner and talk to people about christ, i am also not the person to hand out pamphlets or go sit with someone while they are eating lunch and ask them to point at a card to represent their relationship with christ, or ask god to give me a clue and go search for it like a treasure hunt, that just isn't my style.
i get the judgment that because i don't fit this mold i am not a 'good enough' christian. that i am not on the 'right path' that christians should be on. my skill is listening, gaining trust from someone then if i know they are comfortable with me talk to them about their faith...it's a subtle boldness.
i have always said, if i am meant to talk to someone about christ and help them with their walk, god will let me know, if not, then they are meant for someone else.
christianity isn't just about conversion, evangelism, and mission work, we are here to glorify god, love him before everything else and to love our neighbor. we forget that there are many many ways of doing this.
so, i need to embrace what i am good at...building trusting relationships, by living among people who may or may not be broken and also partaking in the same activities...it is okay to have an alcoholic beverage, i shouldn't be afraid or feel high and mighty if i see people smoking pot, etc. as long as i stay safe and am not breaking the law who am i to judge people who may not be safe or make bad choices? didn't jesus hang with the sinners, and the prostitutes and the lepers? well i am a sinner too. what makes me better then everyone else? nothing. i am here to love god and show his love through my actions.
i am so blessed that i can say i am in love with my faith!