what i see, that they don't

riddle me this please?

have you ever seen in tv shows or movies when a character is just blatantly staring at another character...i don't mean, staring because they hate them, or have a crush on them, i mean sitting there, staring at them, reading them.

creepy right? not really.

here's the riddle...have you ever done this?

well, i will be the first to admit i have.

when i do find myself doing this ever so, not so polite 'trying to figure them out' tactic , they are the ones i think are just down right amazing. they have their shit together and are just incredible human beings.

second part of the riddle...these people i believe to be truly remarkable, don't see it in themselves. that's why i'm trying to figure them out.

i see it, i. just. see it. and whatever that 'it' is, is why i'm their friend.

but they don't see it in themselves.

and it is so sad...i don't use this word for it's true meaning often.

they have so much potential and so much going for them they are afraid to jump, afraid to take that leap.

but maybe, just maybe i'm trying to talk about something i know nothing about...yes, there are many things that i have not taken the leap because i didn't have the 'means' to do so (i will hit this later) but the leap i'm taking is; i don't have a backup plan. it's, become a therapist or...(cricket, cricket).

sometimes i defend people and the reason they don't take chances by blaming their parents influence, or their work load, when really they are their own worst enemy and harshest critic,

or! they believe they have to live up to some other persons expectations.

i understand the concept of respect and i understand the concept of being realistic, but what happened to the concept of sticking up for ourselves? what happened to the thought of anything is possible?

this is where it gets fuzzy.

remember the 'means' comment,

well, yeah, i can't do certain things because i don't have the money right now, or here's a good one, i'm a girl. i'll give an example...i stayed in a hostel for four weeks, by myself. um, no one thought i could do it because i'm a girl and it isn't safe. well i did.

those 'means' are the biggest load of crap ever. if someone wants to do something, do it.

who, really, is going to stop us?

these friends of mine are fantastic and are going to seriously change the world, but they are stuck and it is because they either have to follow what their parents tell them, finish school, or have to work so they can pay the bills. (yes, i get that these need to be taken care of)

but. what if we said this, who fucking cares?

i'm being totally serious.

i'm not saying completely defy our parents, or skip class when we know we have a test the next day.

i'm saying live life. stop being so serious all the time. and another thing, um people tell me because i'm 21 and a little girl that i don't 'get' things because i haven't experienced them(however just because i don't experience something, doesn't mean i don't understand)

this is what i'm saying, i want to experience things, but i'm holding myself back because i blame others for blaming my age.

catch 22 right?

here is my final part to this riddle.

what if! we stood up to our parents because they just don't get us?

what if! we went on that road trip?

what if! we took that unpaid internship two summers in a row?

what if! we put our heart on the line and chose the boy over the job?

sounds nice.

but, to counteract this argument...life isn't a 'what if'' situation is it?

life is a 'what is,' not a life of 'what should be.'

so, i stare at my friends and that spark, that flame, that was once there, is gone.

i just want to shake them and tell them to stop doing what everyone else tells them to do or expects them to do.

we, me included, are holding ourselves back because of what the rules of 'growing up' tells us to do. or, our parents.

what am i gonna do about it? instead of just ranting and putting my thoughts out there.

i'm going to do what i'm 'suppose' to do, but i'm gong to make my decisions based on what i want and i will consider what the people around me are telling me, i will.

but i have never been a people-pleaser and i don't plan on starting now.

people-pleasers need to figure out who they are, stick up for themselves, and just live their life.

did you figure out the riddle?