not the coolest commerical ever, but i love it, i think it is great!
12.31.2008
12.22.2008
really...
okay, so remember that post i wrote about the things i have been appreciating lately...one of those things got totally shot down tonight, and i could not be more annoyed.
i did a favor for someone this weekend, and yes i was more then happy to do it, don't get me wrong.
this favor took basically my whole weekend, i didn't sleep, i was in a place i am still not comfortable with, and the person came home and didn't say a word to me.
not a thank you, a hello, a comment, nothing...what the heck, could they have been more rude.
me and this person have a rocky relationship already, but it was getting better, now we are back to square one, and, i'm sorry, does this person realize how rude they are and how self-centered they are?
i am not being mean, i can give plenty of examples of there rudeness and self-centered-ness, but it just really hurt my feelings...which do not get hurt that often, i usually don't take this person seriously (if that is mean, sorry..if you only knew), and this whole thing is just getting ridiculous, and i am over it, and i am no longer going to let their lack of other peoples feelings slide...i'm done.
i did a favor for someone this weekend, and yes i was more then happy to do it, don't get me wrong.
this favor took basically my whole weekend, i didn't sleep, i was in a place i am still not comfortable with, and the person came home and didn't say a word to me.
not a thank you, a hello, a comment, nothing...what the heck, could they have been more rude.
me and this person have a rocky relationship already, but it was getting better, now we are back to square one, and, i'm sorry, does this person realize how rude they are and how self-centered they are?
i am not being mean, i can give plenty of examples of there rudeness and self-centered-ness, but it just really hurt my feelings...which do not get hurt that often, i usually don't take this person seriously (if that is mean, sorry..if you only knew), and this whole thing is just getting ridiculous, and i am over it, and i am no longer going to let their lack of other peoples feelings slide...i'm done.
12.21.2008
thriving ivory
thriving ivory
angels on the moon
Do you dream , that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name.
(Tell me your name.)
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
(Anything at all.)
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel.
(I wanna feel.)
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive...
To know I'm alive.
(To know I'm alive.)
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
Do you believe, in the day that you were born?
Tell me do you believe.
(Do you believe.)
Do you know, that every day's the first of the rest of your life.
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
This is to one last day in the shadows.
And to know a brother's love.
This is to New York City angels.
And the rivers of our blood.
This is to all of us, to all of us.
So don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
Yeah, you can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies.
And show me where you run to, when there's no one left to take your side.
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know.
Don't tell me if I'm dying.
Don't tell me if I'm dying.
-a song hasn't made me think this much in awhile, this song is great!
angels on the moon
Do you dream , that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name.
(Tell me your name.)
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
(Anything at all.)
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel.
(I wanna feel.)
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive...
To know I'm alive.
(To know I'm alive.)
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
Do you believe, in the day that you were born?
Tell me do you believe.
(Do you believe.)
Do you know, that every day's the first of the rest of your life.
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
This is to one last day in the shadows.
And to know a brother's love.
This is to New York City angels.
And the rivers of our blood.
This is to all of us, to all of us.
So don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
Yeah, you can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies.
And show me where you run to, when there's no one left to take your side.
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know.
Don't tell me if I'm dying.
Don't tell me if I'm dying.
-a song hasn't made me think this much in awhile, this song is great!
prince caspian just got personal
i finally got a real glimpse into parenthood.
yeah, i've babysat and had that fake baby in FAQS class, but i got my first real glimpse to what it is like to be a parent during the holidays.
having to find that one gift for your child, because if you can't find it and it isn't under the tree on christmas the spirit of christmas is for ever lost in that childs eyes.
well, i am not a parent and no i do not have a child, but every christmas my mother buys a family movie for, well, the family, and this year it was, 'cronicles of narnia: prince caspian.'
i decided to open the movie early this year because i really wanted to watch it, but while i was watching it, i had a feeling something was wrong.
i hadn't seen the movie since this summer when i saw it in theaters, so my mind was a little rusty when i started to watch.
i realized the scenes were backwards.
now, i could be wrong, and i am just not remembering correctly, but i am 98% positive, there was something wrong with the disc.
i take the dvd back to target for an exchange and all they have are blue-ray caspians...two to be exact, and i'm like, 'okay, no big deal i wil just go to another one.'
i go to the targt on stateline and they have zero dvds, but they have blue-ray...two to be exact, so the emloyee gave me the number for the ward parkway target, and the lady said they are out of prince caspian dvds, but have a couple of blue-rays.
doesn't 'a couple' mean two?
three targets down, and zero dvds for prince caspian, it has now gotten personal.
i will find you prince caspian, mark my words.
yeah, i've babysat and had that fake baby in FAQS class, but i got my first real glimpse to what it is like to be a parent during the holidays.
having to find that one gift for your child, because if you can't find it and it isn't under the tree on christmas the spirit of christmas is for ever lost in that childs eyes.
well, i am not a parent and no i do not have a child, but every christmas my mother buys a family movie for, well, the family, and this year it was, 'cronicles of narnia: prince caspian.'
i decided to open the movie early this year because i really wanted to watch it, but while i was watching it, i had a feeling something was wrong.
i hadn't seen the movie since this summer when i saw it in theaters, so my mind was a little rusty when i started to watch.
i realized the scenes were backwards.
now, i could be wrong, and i am just not remembering correctly, but i am 98% positive, there was something wrong with the disc.
i take the dvd back to target for an exchange and all they have are blue-ray caspians...two to be exact, and i'm like, 'okay, no big deal i wil just go to another one.'
i go to the targt on stateline and they have zero dvds, but they have blue-ray...two to be exact, so the emloyee gave me the number for the ward parkway target, and the lady said they are out of prince caspian dvds, but have a couple of blue-rays.
doesn't 'a couple' mean two?
three targets down, and zero dvds for prince caspian, it has now gotten personal.
i will find you prince caspian, mark my words.
12.20.2008
revelation #1
so i was watching home alone and a thought occurred...which was interesting, because i have seen this movie a billion and one times, and i just thought of this.
in the scene in the end, when kevin wakes up to go see if his family came back, he walks into the living room asking for his mom.
he looks in the living room and nothing has changed from the night before.
the night before he decorated the living room with the tree, and the stockings, and before he went to bed, he put cookies, and milk out for santa, and carrot sticks, which i'm guessing are for the reindeer,
nothing had changed, everything was still where it was when kevin put it there the night before.
so, my revelation...what if a little kid is watching this movie, believes in santa claus and notices that nothing had changed. what if they ask the questions, why aren't there presents under the tree? or why is the milk still there? didn't santa come to his house?
now, i know most children are not as observant as me, when i watch movies, i almost turn into an editor to find all the problems...it is a little secret of mine, i think it is fun, but anyway...
seriously...i hope children's hopes and dreams aren't shattered to soon about santa because of that one little scene.
how about this...after watching home alone, what miracle on 34th street
in the scene in the end, when kevin wakes up to go see if his family came back, he walks into the living room asking for his mom.
he looks in the living room and nothing has changed from the night before.
the night before he decorated the living room with the tree, and the stockings, and before he went to bed, he put cookies, and milk out for santa, and carrot sticks, which i'm guessing are for the reindeer,
nothing had changed, everything was still where it was when kevin put it there the night before.
so, my revelation...what if a little kid is watching this movie, believes in santa claus and notices that nothing had changed. what if they ask the questions, why aren't there presents under the tree? or why is the milk still there? didn't santa come to his house?
now, i know most children are not as observant as me, when i watch movies, i almost turn into an editor to find all the problems...it is a little secret of mine, i think it is fun, but anyway...
seriously...i hope children's hopes and dreams aren't shattered to soon about santa because of that one little scene.
how about this...after watching home alone, what miracle on 34th street
12.18.2008
irrational fears cont.
yes sam, and yes john, i stole this from you...i have to give credit where credit is due.
1) i cannot sleep on my stomach, if i sleep on my stomach, i am afraid my spine will snap.
no, i don't think my back will hurt, or my spine will fracture, i believe my spine will literally snap in half. where did this fear branch from; health class.
a chiropractor came to class and said that sleeping on our stomachs is bad for our backs, and somewhere in that message the word 'snap,' was forever burned into my brain.
2) i cannot use heating blankets, two of my friends use them, and it doesn't make sense to me. one of my regular fears is fire, or things that are hot; ovens, stoves, candles, etc. i am afraid if i use a heating blanket, i will catch on fire, point blank, that's it.
those i think are my only two irrational fears. these fears are ridiculous, but i can't, i can't do either of these things.
1) i cannot sleep on my stomach, if i sleep on my stomach, i am afraid my spine will snap.
no, i don't think my back will hurt, or my spine will fracture, i believe my spine will literally snap in half. where did this fear branch from; health class.
a chiropractor came to class and said that sleeping on our stomachs is bad for our backs, and somewhere in that message the word 'snap,' was forever burned into my brain.
2) i cannot use heating blankets, two of my friends use them, and it doesn't make sense to me. one of my regular fears is fire, or things that are hot; ovens, stoves, candles, etc. i am afraid if i use a heating blanket, i will catch on fire, point blank, that's it.
those i think are my only two irrational fears. these fears are ridiculous, but i can't, i can't do either of these things.
work ethic and its results
well, it is 2 in the morning, which means i am not getting to bed at a decent hour.
however, i was studying and talking to one of my besties...alicia, who i adore.
even if i went to bed, the events of today would probably keep me up for hours.
nothing of true excitement happened, but today was the first time that i could see the future i want slipping away, like the work i have accomplished never existed.
i took a final that sucked because right when i started taking the test, my allergies decided to kick in and take over my entire face.
i was that girl in the room sniffling when everyone else was trying to take their test...i hate that girl.
not only did that test completely suck, it was at 8 in the morning. i come home and slept most of the day, and didn't do much...my face hurt, so yeah i was unproductive.
i went to my weekly dinner with my pal hannah baker, and we decided to go to target...i am one more person down to being done with christmas shopping, so that was a very good feeling.
after target is when my day took a complete 180.
my day was just a regular day. i had to go to my friend donnie's house to give a movie back to his roommate alex that i had borrowed but sadly never watched.
we started talking about our finals and i asked him to figure something out for me.
i guesstimated most of my grades and asked him to figure out what my GPA would be at the end of the semester.
side note...i am on academic probation, if i do not get a 2.0 at the end of this semester i am diabolically screwed.
alex doing this math problem opened up a huge can of worms that i try not to talk about.
alex who was sweet enough to do this for me said the number '1.8,' and tears welled up in my eyes...poor alex just sitting there not knowing what to do because this annoying little girl is sitting there with her hands covering her face and tears running down her cheeks.
the can this little math problem opened was the fact that i have a learning disability.
i don't talk about it. i am not ashamed or embarrassed, i just don't want it to look like i am using it as an excuse.
my mom, professors, and advisers always tell me, you aren't using your LD as an excuse, we need to know about it to help you succeed.
well if they need to know about it to help me succeed then why the hell am i on academic probation. oh wait, i know the answer...i have been on the brink of failing out of school since the 8th grade.
this whole LD thing came up today because a friend of mine said to me, that i just need to work harder...granted he did not know about my LD, but still it was a little harsh, but i can't and won't hold it against him.
this friend is one of the hardest working people i know.
i work extremely hard, my teachers in high school and even middle school for that matter, didn't expect me to graduate from high school, if that isn't hard work, i don't know what is.
my LD consists of problems with math, science and comprehension.
this semester i took finance (comprehension, math) economics (comprehension, math) drugs and behavior (comprehension, science) philosophy and human development (both comprehension).
the one thing college students need to succeed in college is great comprehension skills.
i struggle like no body's business when it comes to comprehension.
i will take a test and 9 out of 10 times i will not understand the question the first time i read it, that is why i get twice as much time on tests then the average college student.
my brain can only take in so much at one time...which doesn't sound like an LD, i know, but my brain works at a slow enough rate, that i am considered to have an LD.
here is an example, a student only needs 4 hours to study and they know they will know the material when they are done in those 4 hours.
i on the other hand will take about 8 hours and may or may not know the material full well at the end of those 8 hours.
why this became an issue today?
all this hard work i have accumulated through out the years can be taken away in a matter of weeks, by one or two points, that is my GPA.
in a matter of weeks, i could no longer be a college student. and that is not okay.
so, what did i do?
well, i went to prayer...which is not usually the thing i do first.
i know this is where i am meant to be, i need to stay in school to get my degree to then be able to fulfill my purpose and help middle schoolers with whatever crap is happening in their lives.
i called my friend sam who told me to email the professors whose classes i have bad grades in to see if there was anything i can do to bump my grade up...this was the second time i had done this, this semester.
the friend who said i just need to work harder...maybe he's right, but i know i work hard, it just doesn't show results, because where my friends results are A's, mine are C's and/or D's
maybe i am not pushing myself?
i am so tired of having to work so hard to even get a C in a class, it is so frustrating.
i don't think i will ever catch a break with school, i haven't since the 8th grade, so i should be used to it.
now, that i have talked this out i haven't even considered that i am probably getting ahead of myself, there is a good chance i will have a 2.0 at the end of this semester, or even higher...i mean come on, last year i brought my GPA up from a 1.1 (different story for a different time) to a 2.4.
i have worked extremely hard this semester because of my probation, if it is taken away from me, i really have no idea what will happen, and again, that is not okay.
however, i was studying and talking to one of my besties...alicia, who i adore.
even if i went to bed, the events of today would probably keep me up for hours.
nothing of true excitement happened, but today was the first time that i could see the future i want slipping away, like the work i have accomplished never existed.
i took a final that sucked because right when i started taking the test, my allergies decided to kick in and take over my entire face.
i was that girl in the room sniffling when everyone else was trying to take their test...i hate that girl.
not only did that test completely suck, it was at 8 in the morning. i come home and slept most of the day, and didn't do much...my face hurt, so yeah i was unproductive.
i went to my weekly dinner with my pal hannah baker, and we decided to go to target...i am one more person down to being done with christmas shopping, so that was a very good feeling.
after target is when my day took a complete 180.
my day was just a regular day. i had to go to my friend donnie's house to give a movie back to his roommate alex that i had borrowed but sadly never watched.
we started talking about our finals and i asked him to figure something out for me.
i guesstimated most of my grades and asked him to figure out what my GPA would be at the end of the semester.
side note...i am on academic probation, if i do not get a 2.0 at the end of this semester i am diabolically screwed.
alex doing this math problem opened up a huge can of worms that i try not to talk about.
alex who was sweet enough to do this for me said the number '1.8,' and tears welled up in my eyes...poor alex just sitting there not knowing what to do because this annoying little girl is sitting there with her hands covering her face and tears running down her cheeks.
the can this little math problem opened was the fact that i have a learning disability.
i don't talk about it. i am not ashamed or embarrassed, i just don't want it to look like i am using it as an excuse.
my mom, professors, and advisers always tell me, you aren't using your LD as an excuse, we need to know about it to help you succeed.
well if they need to know about it to help me succeed then why the hell am i on academic probation. oh wait, i know the answer...i have been on the brink of failing out of school since the 8th grade.
this whole LD thing came up today because a friend of mine said to me, that i just need to work harder...granted he did not know about my LD, but still it was a little harsh, but i can't and won't hold it against him.
this friend is one of the hardest working people i know.
i work extremely hard, my teachers in high school and even middle school for that matter, didn't expect me to graduate from high school, if that isn't hard work, i don't know what is.
my LD consists of problems with math, science and comprehension.
this semester i took finance (comprehension, math) economics (comprehension, math) drugs and behavior (comprehension, science) philosophy and human development (both comprehension).
the one thing college students need to succeed in college is great comprehension skills.
i struggle like no body's business when it comes to comprehension.
i will take a test and 9 out of 10 times i will not understand the question the first time i read it, that is why i get twice as much time on tests then the average college student.
my brain can only take in so much at one time...which doesn't sound like an LD, i know, but my brain works at a slow enough rate, that i am considered to have an LD.
here is an example, a student only needs 4 hours to study and they know they will know the material when they are done in those 4 hours.
i on the other hand will take about 8 hours and may or may not know the material full well at the end of those 8 hours.
why this became an issue today?
all this hard work i have accumulated through out the years can be taken away in a matter of weeks, by one or two points, that is my GPA.
in a matter of weeks, i could no longer be a college student. and that is not okay.
so, what did i do?
well, i went to prayer...which is not usually the thing i do first.
i know this is where i am meant to be, i need to stay in school to get my degree to then be able to fulfill my purpose and help middle schoolers with whatever crap is happening in their lives.
i called my friend sam who told me to email the professors whose classes i have bad grades in to see if there was anything i can do to bump my grade up...this was the second time i had done this, this semester.
the friend who said i just need to work harder...maybe he's right, but i know i work hard, it just doesn't show results, because where my friends results are A's, mine are C's and/or D's
maybe i am not pushing myself?
i am so tired of having to work so hard to even get a C in a class, it is so frustrating.
i don't think i will ever catch a break with school, i haven't since the 8th grade, so i should be used to it.
now, that i have talked this out i haven't even considered that i am probably getting ahead of myself, there is a good chance i will have a 2.0 at the end of this semester, or even higher...i mean come on, last year i brought my GPA up from a 1.1 (different story for a different time) to a 2.4.
i have worked extremely hard this semester because of my probation, if it is taken away from me, i really have no idea what will happen, and again, that is not okay.
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