change

so today, has been a crappy day for an already not so great week...and it is only wednesday.
my poor roommate got her car vandalized last night, along with like 9 other cars (mine and my roommate lauren's car was spared...?) so that sucked, and the day has just been a drag, class is never fun and it just seemed that today was when everything else this week just became ridiculously overbearing, on top of that i was basically called a failure by my mother.
so, why my post is called change...there has been a lot of change this week, or i have realized a lot of change is going to happen.
yes, i am not a fan of change, but i have gotten so much better, that most change doesn't even bother me anymore, but there are some things that if they change, it is just sad...like thanksgiving and christmas.
a few months ago my mom told me (way before she told bekah or jonathan) that this year for christmas we might pick names...money issues, jonathans married, and appearently it would just make life easier---i disagree.
and because of that disagreement my mother calls me a spoiled brat, bully, childish, and she used the words, "i did not raise you like this, and if i did i did something wrong."
my mom just can't get over the fact that her daughter is an honest, blunt person, who is open to differences, and sticks up for what she believes in. yes, i have my moments of rudness and disrespect, but who doesn't, and who did i learn it from...actually, not my parents, i wish my parents were more honest about how they felt about things, i also wish they were more open about things that are different then what they believe.
so my sister calls me saying she talked to our brother and the first words she says to me are, 'just think about it,' and she goes on saying that her and jonathan would rather pick names this year, because they think it would be easier, among other reasons.
i didn't have to think about it, i think it is a silly idea, and here is why...
-no matter what, feelings are always somehow hurt
-someone got a better gift then someone else
-two people are married, and someone else gets the husband or wife and either 1) gets a gift just for the specific spouse they got(which is how it should be) and the other spouse takes it personally that it isn't for both of them, or 2) the person gets a gift that could be for the couple and not just the individual.
-no matter what, i have been to alot of these gift swaps and there is always someone upset at the end...it never fails. there is always this unspoken compitition of who can give the best gift.
so those are only some of the reasons i do not like gift exchanges. i prefer giving gifts to everyone in the family because i don't get to do it that often, and i am not sounding spoiled when i say, who doesn't like recieveing gifts, but that is only a small part. i enjoy shopping for everyone individually and thinking of something that each person wants or needs.
so i am on the phone with my mom and she is already acussing me of ruining everyones christmas with my attitude of not liking the idea of swapping names.
1st of all, i do not have the power to have that big of an affect, and it is insulting that my mother still views me as the baby who is the most spoiled, which shows she doesn't know me at all.
there are only so many christmas's left in our family that can be like when we were younger. when jonathan and heather start having kids and me and bekah get married, then yes christmas will change then when it was the 5 of us and i get that (mom doesn't get that i get that)
last christmas sucked considering there was a death in the family, and we had to move our traditional christmas eve dinner to christmas day. yeah, i wasn't thrilled, but i knew the circumstances and had to play along.
there is nothing stopping us this year from having a christmas that we are all used to. i know that the votes for swapping names is 2 to 1, i get it, so yeah, i will have to get over it, but my mom doesn't understand that i get the issue, i want her to get the issue.
this happens all the time and me and my mom are never going to agree, so when i argue with my mom i take everything with a grain of salt and don't take it personally, but tonight was way out of line.
no one shoud ever call their child, no matter what age that they are basically a failure and spoiled, when they know that i'm not. i was raised to be independent and can anyone blame me for wanting a christmas that i am used to, and knowing that christmas will soon never be the same...i really do understand, i don't think i can stress that enough. my mom knows that i am a go-with-the-flow type of person, so for her to say those things were out of line and she knows if i stick up for something or am very adement about something, there is truth to what i am saying. she in't even remembering that i was totally up for going to nashville for thanksgiving to be with bekah...if this would have been a few yesrs ago, yeah right i would have fought it right to the airport.
it is so hard to be mature and growup when everyone else still looks at you as the child, and the little sister.
when i was younger i was a brat and disrespectful and just mean, if my parents still think that of me, then what's the point, if my own mother can't see how much i have grown, that's the biggest insult of all.
it isn't even about the holidays anymore.