1 year sober

it has been one year this october since the act of self-injury consumed my life.
going a year without an addiction i have had for 8 years is really crazy to think about. and it is still an addiction somewhat, because it is still in my thoughts.
a year ago saturday i probably did the worst i had ever done.
i had so much crap happening in my life that i didn't know how to handle it, and i stumbled just for a moment.
i was trying to figure out where i fit in at my new school, i had to make new friends, my three best friends had stuff going on and it was impossible to talk to them because we had four completely different lives, my best friend in the world was in the hospital, while my other two best friends where rocking at life at their schools, and i thought i was being left behind.
the next morning i quit cold turkey, not realizing the night before changed the remainder of my year.
going through training to be a leader in a ministry that is true and dear to my heart and practically saved my life in high school. i was told i was no longer fit to be a leader. judged for who i used to be and not taken for who i am, i realized the head leaders of this organization knew nothing about the addiction of self-injury, they kept comparing the recovery process to the recovery of AA...in AA there are meetings, there is no such thing as a weekly meeting for self-injurers.
these two did not take me for who i am and what i had accomplished, going 6 months sober, i decided they didn't deserve me.
having come to grips with losing an experience that would have helped me fulfill my purpose in glorifying God, i went the rest of the semester learning how to see every side of every situation, and never judging anyone by there past, but getting to know them for who they were at the time i met them, and taking them for who they are at that moment.
i succeeded in school, but lost an amazing opportunity to serve at a church that would have stretched me to my farthest limit, because of words that were said between my references and the lack of trust these leaders had in me.
i was able to lead at my home church where i got to hangout with the coolest of cool 6th graders and spend time with the people who love me and who i rarely get to see.
now that it is almost october this last year has been a roller coaster of events, from losing opportunities but gaining friendships for a lifetime, proof that i am a great leader, and that God put me in manhattan to learn these specific lessons.
what happened with the ministry that didn't take me was wrong and should never have happened in the way it did, and yeah, it still makes me angry that i have to miss out on getting to show middle schoolers the Lord, but that experience also showed me the only way to gain ones trust is to love them no matter what their past holds, what experiences they have been through, and how they became the person they are today.
i have gone one year without cutting, the longest without stumbling and i have four main people to thank...Jesus, of course, nick greusel and katie pooler for being there that night...you two have no idea, and sam creager, for being the best friend he can be and always being a phone call away.
i never thought i would get over this crazy thing called cutting but i have something so much more fulfilling and satisfying that i had a year ago, but couldn't quite grasp and that is God's love.

there is no fear in love; but perfect love cast's out fear, because fear involves torment. but he who fears has not been made perfect in love, we love because God first loved us.- I john 4:18-19