on the outs but always loved

so this weekend i went to a family wedding right?
our family get-togethers are in the same place...literally, the past 21 years of my life, i have gone to the same location for all my mom's side of the family reunions.
now, where is this humble abode...?
the melrose hall
now, does anyone know where melrose is?

it isn't even on the map

it is in, 'zero reception, no man's land,' iowa (iowa's little ireland to be exact) and this itty bitty microscopic town is where my family is from.
...if you think about it, it's brilliant...nothing can distract me from family time.
i love my family, i could not have asked for a better heritage.
i have the craziest, most interesting, loving family ever, but, like every family we have our quirks.
but this is not what this blog is about.
this post is about where i am in the family tree.
i am, what i think in the worst position.

--this all starts with my great grandmother, so that is what i will be referencing to--

which means, i am a great grandchild, also known as a second cousin (excuse me, first cousin twice removed..according to great uncle john)
i am the daughter of the oldest grandchild and the grandchild of the oldest child, so that at least gives me something, but being a great grandchild totally blows.
i am also reminded of it every time my family gets together.
this is how i'm reminded...

1) i'm called bekah (my sister's name)
2) the sentence, 'you are of a different generation,' is said.
3) i'm referred to as, 'kay ann's' daughter.
4) or my name is just forgotten all together.

i have a big family...there are 10 kids (20 year age gap), the grand kids have a 35 year age gap, and the great grand kids are still coming...but being a great grand kid...it's hard.

i already feel so disconnected from my extended family by living so far away and having very little in common with them...being a great grandchild doesn't make it any easier.

oh, and don't even remind me that my last name is not cronin.

i'll take it as a compliment

i have been called feisty four times this week.

two times by co-workers.

two times by friends.

something new

though this blog is true and dear to my heart, and will still be used ever so often, i have started a new blog that is quite different from this one.

here is the link.

http://hey-its-unfinished.blogspot.com

you're just another guy. okay you're kinda sexy. but you're really nothing special

if you supposedly love someone knowing they love you back why wouldn't you be with them?
it doesn't make sense.
and another thing, if someone has waited three years and still hasn't chosen whether or not they want to be with you, come decision time do you think they are really going to choose you?
i mean really?
they want to experience specific things unattached, which is fine and totally legit, but if that means pulling you along and only wanting to keep you for two reasons;
1) wanting to have sex with you.
2) doesn't want anyone else to have you.
then the whole situation is complete crap.
patience is good, i understand that, but...
oh! here's another thing...
if you are so in love with this person why would you want to have sex with other people?
because they are having sex with other people too?
are you trying to even the score?
again, do i need to repeat myself? that is complete crap.

this isn't patience, that is just an excuse, this is false hope in thinking you two are actually going to end up together.
sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but extremely doubtful.

stop being second to their single hood.

the resistance

two years ago i told myself the next time muse tours the states i will see them.

as of friday...

mission accomplished.

go me!

i like when we surely like one another

i am me.

i am nothing extravagant or special compared to anything or anyone else.

i am an addict gone sober whether it be self-injury, suicide or soda pop.

i am a rebel with a cause… that cause being fighting sex-trafficking, eating disorders, aids, the plague that is ‘cutting,’ or to simply prove myself.

i am a listener.

a shy, introverted, idealistic dreamer.

i am a question asker…it is only the best advice I was ever given; never be afraid to ask questions.

i do not regret.

i am not viscous, or loud,

i am not weak or disloyal.

i am kind, i am honest, i am patient, and i am stubborn.

just. because...

"take a look at yourself in the mirror. who do you see looking back?

or is there someone else you were meant to be? the person you should have been but fell short of?

is someone telling you you can't or you won't? because you can.

believe that love is out there.

believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do.

sometimes happiness doesn't come from fame or money or power. sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life.

believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do.

so take a look at yourself in that mirror and tell yourself to be happy. because you deserve to be."