people always leave.. but sometimes.. they come back

so, this thing keeps happening to me.
i got close to someone
and of course...
they are leaving.
may 27th.


hopes were up, not anymore.

absolutely

'this is the story of a girl
who cried a river and drowned the whole world
and while she looked so sad in photographs
i absolutely love her
when she smiles

this is the story of a girl
whose pretty face she hid from the world
and while she looks so sad in photographs
i absolutely love her'

i need to get these letters or i'm getting deported by may 5th

have you ever been in one of those situations when after it happened all you can do is stare off into space and say, did that really just happen?'
well, within the minutes of my statistics class starting i had this moment of complete disbelief when a girl at my table told us she couldn't be in class today because she might get deported!

yes, you read that correctly...deported.

and of course my idiotic response is, 'are you canadian?' because she didn't look hispanic and for no crazy reason did i think, people can come here from other countries...but this thought is not the point to my story.

She starts off telling us she was a felon but that the charges got ex-sponged (??) and then goes on to pretty much tell her life story. (yeah, she just kinda squeezed that part in...no biggie)

and yes, you read that correctly...felon.
do we know why? no
are we curious?
hell yeah

well, her life story... she moved here from ukraine when she was three with her mom (she is ukrainian, not canadian...just to make that clear).
she does, 'not speak, read, or write ukrainian,' but has to go prove her marriage of three years is legitimate and that she is not a mail-order bride.

yes, you read that correctly...mail order bride

five or so years ago, her cousin wanted to get out of ukraine, to her cousin there was only one option...to sell herself over the internet.
four kids later and living in canada the government has found her, as well as the girl in my class...who again, let me reiterate has lived in the united states with her green card since she was three!!

she had to skip class today...with a note from her lawyer to go get letters from specific people to prove she is in love with her husband. they have been together for seven years, but got married when she was 18.

one letter she needs is from the videographer who taped her wedding...what the hell?!?

their marriage is legit people!
is the government stupid? lets go over this again shall we...
lived here since she was three...legally!
she has been in the same relationship for seven years...that is no fluke.
and this situation has nothing to do with her!

it's her cousin that, again...sold herself to get to the united states, and doesn't even live here anymore. she's in freaking canada.

she tells us this story and sadly we started laughing, because we were in complete shock and the way she was telling the story...complete annoyance by the way...it just came across funny.
when our teacher finally showed up to class she explains the story to her (in less detail) but we hear her yell;

'i am not a mail-order bride'

and then our teacher whispers something to her...which we plan on asking about next week.
--our teacher is interesting, don't worry about it.--

then it actually hit us what was actually happening.

it really isn't that funny. this chick might get deported for something she has nothing to do with to a country she really knows nothing about!

that's f**king crazy!

until next week, the four girls at my table are just going to wonder, and ask the questions; 'what did our teacher really say to her?'

not; 'is she getting deported?'


what i am interested to see are the ads on my page later...you know with the words like, 'mail-order bride,' 'deported,' 'government,' etc.
hopefully i don't get traced...shoot.

your voice is (was) small and (then) fading (faded)

'they (i) painted up your secrets with the lies they (i) told to you and the least they (i) ever gave you (--nothing--) was the most you ever knew (--doubt--).

i wonder where these (your) dreams go (went), when the world gets (got) in your way.

what's the point in all this (our) screaming? No one's (one) listening (listened) anyway.

and you know i (you) see (saw) right through you (me) 'cause the world gets (got) in your (our) way.
what's the point in all this (your) screaming?
you're (i) not (didn't) listening (listen) anyway.'

the apology that doesn't even matter anymore.

a word to the stupid

the month of april...
remember this;
i am at my angriest.
do. not. mess with me.

the cherry on top

okay, so seriously, my life can be summed up in three words;

ice cream sundae

you have the bowl right? the foundation, that's jesus because well, he loves me and freaking died for me on a cross...yay us.

next you have the ice cream! all good and dandy, my favorite flavor (mint chocolaty chippity) and this is just scoops and scoops of just good living! life is just awesome with having a plan for school, knowing what i want to do, enjoying everyday events...etc.

then you have the (this is a combo) the whip cream and the chocolate syrup...these are not very sturdy ya know? still fun, life is still rocking, but i may or may not slide off the path just a little bit,

but then!

bam!!

the sprinkles, the sprinkles make up for the whip cream and syrup. good things are coming my way, little things here and there that just make life worth while...enjoy the small things pretty much sums up the sprinkles!

then to top off the most glorious sundae known to man...

the cherry

the cherry is the ingredient that brings everything together.

the cherry is the ultimate great thing in life at this moment.

but here's the thing about the cherry...it never stays.

the cherry falls like 8 our of 10 times (made up stat, but you know what i mean)

and because of this silly little stemmed mood killer in disguise of a brightly florescent life couldn't be better fruit it touches everything else; the sprinkles, the cream/syrup, the ice cream, then lands in the bowl (analyze that sucker all you want).

i don't even like cherries.

'into your eyes, hopeless and taken, we stole our new lives

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so, lately, i have had some realizations.

this semester has been a transition semester for sure.

so many things have changed, with two categories; good, and i don't know if it is good or not.

some that are in the good category;

my morals are set straight(er)...give me a break, i'm human.

last semester they were not.

-i know my plan for my life, and no matter what, i need to stick to that plan and just accommodate if need be.

this is the one thing i have, and the one thing i have complete faith in.

-cutting is over...just over and it's amazing.

i finished my therapy after 13 months, that is a goal i finally achieved--going for one year.

-my job is fun and i really enjoy being there, i don't think many college students can say that.

-i love my life

now here is the, 'i don't know if it is good or not,' category

-i have been m.i.a from so many people lately, people who love me and i don't know if it because i have moved on from them just because of life and being seniors in college, or i am just not comfortable around them anymore.

i think it's a combo.

-i'm starting to think there is seriously something wrong with me.

i'm starting to take chances in one area of my life and i keep failing and getting my hopes up.

i told myself i wouldn't allow that to happen, but i thought, 'hey. maybe i can get what i want once in awhile.'--this has yet to happen.

-it is okay for me not to be fine, i don't always have to be the person who is 'fine' all the time.

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through blood and pain In defense of our dreams.'