we can be both

i am moving blogs that has a little different purpose then just me babbling on.
for some of you this new blog will be the end of you reading because the topic may be a tough one to take when involving me but i hope you give it a chance and maybe, it will help you understand a little bit better.

http://wecanbeboth.wordpress.com/

it has been a long time since i have blogged. but, i have been asked where i have been, and have more readers...so, what do i talk about?

own the night

i want to break every rule with you.
i want to make every secret with you.
i want to experience every memory with you.
i want to find every adventure with you.
put simply...i want to live and love life with you and only you.

you and me

survival sex...ever heard of it?

so i have a project this semester for my juvenile delinquency class.

the ratio of glbt (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender) homeless youth to their heterosexual counterparts and the risks associated with being a homeless sexual minority.

there are two findings i have come across...

1) being a homeless sexual minority is risker...for their health, safety and well-being...duh, that's a no brainer.

2) the term 'survival sex.' no! it is not prostitution.

survival sex: exchange sex for money, food, drugs, shelter, clothing and more.
-typically not by choice-

prostitution: sex for money or drugs
-more often by choice-

now yes, these are generic definitions but you get the idea. i know some women go into prostitution for survival, but! that is not the main reason unlike survival sex.
also, survival sex is the term coined for homeless youth.

from a study of 670 homeless youth, 150 considered themselves apart of the GLB community (they did not ask about transgendered youth) of that 150 nearly half were asked to participate in survival sex compared to only 25% on the non-glb homeless youth.

wow

'take a chance, and never look back..

i graduate in may
-no, i am not scared

i did not get into the peace corps

which is totally okay because, i learned what not to do on an application.
-i'm totally down with the peace core being the guinea pig in this situation

will this semester totally kick my ass?
-yes

yet...
i feel like i am on top of the world, with still so much to learn.

god is good.

i love my life.

this is my dad

this is why i love this movie...the first 1:17 of this clip represents my dad so well.

but. shhhh...don't tell him. ;)

--this clip also represents why i love tinker bell so much...but of course, i love my dad more.

* i got one hand in my pocket and the other one's giv'n a peace sign

i apologize for not being around...

this peace corps thing is becoming very real-me
that's a good thing!-sam
it is! it is a good thing but i am... eez scary though, i used to hate that feeling of being content now that i am, i like it. it's something i'm not used to.-me

so i am in the process of possibly joining the peace corps and there has been one thing i have forgotten;
doing this makes the most sense for who i am, what i want to do in life, what i am called to do and it is the road that will help me get to where i want to be. it is the answer for starting the rest of my life.
however, can i do this? can i be isolated for two years, be away from my family? be away from my friends who i cherish? or be away from that person who loves me and who i want to be with?
then i think of all the things i won't have...possibly not being able to worship the lord like i want, wear the cloths i want, or have christmas dinner...will i be able to have skittles ever? or watch an american movie?!
i want to do this, i do! i can see myself doing this and thriving at it, it is just, there are so many variables that intertwine with this decision.
so, this is what i am going to do...go through the application process like i have been and remember that this is still a year away and not forget about the life i am living now...because right now, right this moment, i would not want to pass it up for anything.

*the pocket holds everything else in my life that i am not sure if i am ready to leave.

evolution..in the ittiest bit of a nutshell

i went to this museum last summer and it was all about evolution...

here was the sequence of what i saw!

the sun + oxygen = earth!

--this was the start--

in the creation of earth and all living there were five major extinctions…then a sixth.

round one: this is where water came into play and was found.

round two:

Continents drifted together, forests and desserts were formed

the egg!

reptiles

during this extinction plant fossils have been determined to help know which season it is.

round three:

Mmesozoic era—183 million year span

periods--triassic, jurassic, cretaceous

coming alive: mammels, flowers, dinosaurs (started as tetrapods)

one out of five dinosaurs survived

round four:

continents shifted again!

50% of marine animals were extinct

95% of land plants were extinct…mainly in the northern regions

round five:

there is now over 50% of life on earth…humans!

no more dinosaurs

period: cenozoic

now!!!

three ways to be born:

plantals

marsupials

monotrenes

mammels:

rodents, hoofed mammels, carnivorans, primates

tropical plants/life:

birds

fish

Sea and water life

lucy:

3.2 million years ago

from eastern africa

one of the first hominids

-they had larger brains, flatter faces, smaller teeth, bigger trunk and smaller limbs

homosapians

-evolved around 195,000 million years ago

--according to the field museum of chicago dna supports evolution--

ice age:

1.8 million years ago today

life looked like it does today

this is when the land between north america and south america merged

types of animals: horses, dogs, bears, elephants, panthers, deer, mice, bison, gofers, beavers, etc.

tar traps began—oil was starting to kill animals.

round six:

today

began around 10,000 years ago

humans are the cause of this mass extinction—not climate change, and no, not merging continents…but, human activity

within the past year 30,000 species have gone extinct

in about one day on average 85 species go extinct

--i think this exhibit was telling us that we all fail.--

i try

you may not be her 1st,her last,or her only. she loved before, she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect- you aren't either, and the 2 of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.

or

i may not be their 1st, their last, or only. they may have loved before, they may love again, but if they love me now, what else matters?they aren't perfect-neither am i, and the 2 of us may never be perfect together, but if we can make each other laugh, cause the other to think twice and both admit to being human and to making mistakes, i hope they hold on to me...because i will hold on to them and give me the most they can...because i will give them the most i can.

wish right now

1...it's hard for me to use the word, but it happened. i fell for you.
2...that doesn't happen in my life by the way.
3...i don't allow it to
4...you proved why

self-explanitory...

"why am i afraid to dance, i who love music and rhythm and song and laughter? why am i afraid to live, i who love life and the beauty of the flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? why am i afraid to love, i who love love?"

...no need for a title

didn't know this still happens...

i'm 22.
losing three close friends within the past five months due to stupid drama should not happen.
i'm not 14 anymore.

the past six days...all of my favorite things

this past week, i have had soooooooo many facebook statuses that i think deserve a spot in this blog.
the past six days have been in one word: nonrefundable. every minute has been insanely amazing.

starting with the first status of the week...

may 23:

one rule: work related only. no talking...no laughing, no 'i wins', no nothing! epic win today at the deli.

may 24:

these are my thoughts: "ksgdhepqotnuq304t9u3orgkj3tou nretiu30"...yeah, i don't know either.

-this night was a little tough to get through, but so incredible at the same time.


may 25:

...'yeah, be jealous, i have facebook on ma phone.'-donnie keeney

and

tonight was very much needed.

may 26:

...obviously sleeping is overrated. let me just stare at a blank black ceiling.

and

'you're looking like a tool not a bawler, you're acting like a chick, why bother? i can find someone way hotter...cause i'm done with the ways thats you've messed up'

-one part of my week that wasn't great, but hey, ke$ha knows what i'm talking about

babysitting! so longs! the park! dara's! 'tigers hate pepper, they love cinnamon!' tuttle! sonic! and all with my favorite birthday boy...happy birthday donnie keeney

may 27: his actual birthday

'lots of love too.' 'more lies.'

-yeah arrested development!

may 28:

...the last 10 minutes of my life was quite a dilemma, to get food or not to get food? then! ice cream was found in the freezer, crisis now over.

-the week started to catch up with me, haha...this was just funny.

may 29:

i have been waiting for two years to watch green street hooligans! i finally have it and still can't finish it....baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and

wow...i am a failure

-not as dramatic as it sounds

may 30:

'it makes me happy to know none of us have a how-to guide, we're all just kinda winging it'-ps

and

loving them when they don't deserve it...not hard to do, it's loving them when they do.

-this is related to the ke$ha lyric status

but! to end this amazing roller coaster of facebook statuses i have this...

the konza!!! right now...amazing! i love rain, and donnie, and peter, and not the guy in the dark robe chasing us. aaaaand(uh) rocking out to queen! great night.

these just hit the highlights, there were so many other great parts to the week.
------------------------------------------------

'don't stop me now i'm having such a good time, i'm having a ball...'

contrary to popular belief

naturally depressed?...i think so

well, shoot.

it just won't go away

ignoring it
fighting it
moving on from it

it just keeps coming back

i think this means i am cared about...

i am a 'reserved exception.'
what does this even mean?
i honestly do not understand.

sucker

'kindness is loving people more than they deserve.'

when someone realizes this... do they stop trying, or do they keep going?..when the person obviously does not deserve anything else from you?

we have a pretty good thing going

so, you know the phrase, 'words cannot express...?'
welp, i have finally gained something...or i guess someone that i can say this sentence about.
i have been asked why we're friends, what i like about them, or what makes us click and i for the life of me cannot give a concrete answer.
yes! i can ramble on and on about this person trying to collect my thoughts, but really! i have nothing to say that can even give our friendship justice.
i honestly don't know how i feel about this because usually people can talk about their friends and have so many amazing things to say, which i can, but it would just come out a jumbled mess,but i also think that is what our friendship can be sometimes; a jumbled mess.
but! it is also.........ahhh! see, i can't even think of anything that can describe this.
it's kinda refreshing that i have no words.
all i know is, this friendship makes me so happy and i'm really nervous for our next chapter.

walking in the rain with you while missing the smell of your t-shirt

oh yeah, he has a very very very bad temper.
he can start hitting things or people.
he gets violent.
...
it happens quite a bit (not hitting people to make that clear)
when he's mad, he shuts the world out.
and if someone try's to get in, he rips them apart.
also, he never takes responsibility for anything he does.
and i know, he would love that i am telling you this, but this is proving how well i know him.
...
yeah, he just, i dunno, doesn't know how to receive love
however, his love language is physical touch.
...
just wrap your arm around his and he'll calm down.

let it go, smile,

sometimes the person we want to be worth it too. doesn't even care.

you're with me!

there are too many prayers that get unanswered.
every day we ignore how completely broken this world is.
and we tell ourselves that we are going to be okay, but it’s not okay.
and once you know that, there’s no going back.
there is no magic in the world

though i disagree with this statement, i used to believe in it wholeheartedly.
i miss this mindset sometimes.

but...

those where old days, and

that's what old days are; they’re old. days.

they’re gone.