will you tell me again the story about how i'm not alone

it's been a long time coming, but i can finally hear him.
it's hard though.
i'm in that limbo stage where letting go is inevitable, but i'm not really moving forward because i'm still here, i am still in the exact place i've always been...but this time with a smile.
what i've learned from this rough patch with god that i have had for the past threeish years is letting go is okay.
not just with broken relationships but with relationships that have lasted.
this is a breaking point for me...
i never wanted to admit this friendship has been long distance for the past 16 years.
transferring schools finally opened my eyes.
i fought, denied, and rebelled the fact that he doesn't know how to love me, and i've been lying to myself thinking we were closer then we actually are.
however it's my fault too, i helped create the off beat rhythm of this friendship.
but this isn't about my relationship with him, this is just the part of my life that made me realize god is working in my heart... he has been working on my heart for so long i think he needed to finally bring a jack hammer to it.
this is key! i am finally at peace with the crazy, messed up road my life with jesus has gone.
this is the time in my life where i am confident, hopeful, resilient, happy, and above all else firm in my *faith.
wait!
back up,
i've always been firm in my faith. it was building and learning what i truly believe in.
my *beliefs are what i can say i have become firm in.
i need to go back to the basics. i need to remember why i became a christian in the first place and i don't think it is because i forgot.
i think it is because i was fighting, i didn't want to remember.
so much of my christian life has been filled with pain, hurt and sadness.
this has been god pushing me to realize, it doesn't matter.
it happened. i don't regret it. why would i regret something that got me to where i am now?
what matters is the commandment that gets way underestimated and way under appreciated;

'jesus replied: 'love the lord your god with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your soul. this is the first and greatest commandment.'-matt 22:37-38

i've been listening for years, but it finally resonated.
i've always loved jesus, and our relationship is deep and firm, i just haven't been showing it.
i haven't been finding my identity in him.
i need to learn how to love him first and foremost. duh!

so, i've learned to let go, move on, and the life i have now is not the life i will have a year, or 10 years from now. i'm meant for something different.
it doesn't mean my life now and the relationships i have now aren't important, they are.
just don't regret them later on and letting go doesn't mean i don't care. they all carry a purpose.
the two i just walked away from are probably the two most important ones i've had here on earth, but they don't even compare to the romance i have with jesus.

thanks for setting my heart back on fire, and having me realize i haven't been that far gone.

huh?! today is valentines day...you would jesus, you would.

*faith: is believing in what we can't see.
*belief: is standing strong in that faith.