even though i posted this blog when i got home, I actually wrote it during my four hour wait till my flight left…getting on the internet was impossible. i am not going to pay ten dollars for maybe an hour’s time on the internet…i would pay outrageous prices for certain things (sox/yankee’s game at fenway for instance) but for internet, no thanks.
the reason for this blog is not for a history lesson in surgical tools, or to talk about pirates (will come later), or to talk about evolution (will come later also), it isn't even a quote, or a revelation (this can be argued by the end of the blog) this is to collect my thoughts that have accumulated over the past four weeks. i have been in chicago since the middle of july, not to have fun, or to be a tourist, or to find myself, but for an internship with a program that i have developed a high respect for; headstart,. in turn, because of this internship, i did have fun, i did do touristy things, and i learned more about myself in the past four weeks, then i have in the three years i have been in college. my internship was simple; shadow the clinical psychologist of the headstart childcare center in chicago, illinois. this was not simple and it was not easy, it was actually one of the most challenging things i have had to do for two reasons; i have not spent this much time with children in years. i don’t connect with them very well. i am in tune with them because my brain and taste buds are not that far off from a four year old. but talking with them is so difficult. also, i have never had to do so much paperwork in my life…which is good because to be a therapist ¾’s of the job is paperwork and billing.
going into the internship i was nervous on how i would do with the kids. my job with the kids was observing and giving individual attention to the ones considered ‘high risk.’ in other words, the kids who the teachers and staff knew had crappy home lives.
the first kid i got, let’s call them child x was incredible and i adored this child. x just needed someone consistent. child x didn’t know if their mother would be alive the next day because of domestic violence and lived with their aunts who were fighting for custody, but the mother would not put this child’s needs first. unfortunately, child x left half way through my internship because their mother took them from the one thing that was structured and safe in their life; school. when child x left i did struggle on why i was there because x was in a way my case study to learn the most and to make a slight difference. i then had to move to another child within the same class, lets call them child y. child y is this four year old kid that wants to be snoop or the most badass gansta rappa ever lived (their words), or. batman. with y i could see how fast these kids have to grow up, but then in a moment, with a change in the eye they would be four year old again. sadly, the last day of my internship, i found out child y had been molested by their neighbor who was 8 years old. in both situations with x and y, i had no reaction, not even a sigh, this is interesting because it shows that I can handle this job. there were three children i worked with the closest; child x, child y, and child z. child z had two things going on; they are related to child x (cousins), and after child x left child z started to become very emotional and very defiant. this is what I think…the over- emotional, the crying, the ‘i want my mommy’ was not an attention getter, the defiance was. and this is where it got tough and where i was having trouble connecting with this kid. i had to treat this kid like it was an attention getter for both the tears and the acting out. it drove me insane because i was getting so frustrated with myself on not being able to understand what was going on, we still don’t know for sure.
when the teacher gave me my evaluation this was what she told me, ‘it is okay not to get to them so quickly when they start crying.’ this i completely disagree with. i know I do not have a degree in early childhood, or a teaching degree, and yes, overall, this teacher gave me very good constructive criticism, but my rule when it comes to children under the age of five is; if they are crying, get to them within 20 seconds. i mean, think about it, if a child is crying and no one gets to them to see what is wrong they will learn that if they are upset or something happened, what’s the point of crying? no one cares. that is not okay with me. the other things the teacher told me was, instead of figuring out the problem right away when kids are fighting, redirect them to something else. judge the issue on the type of words said and if there is hitting, etc. kids can’t always explain things, so just (rest is paraphrased) put a pin in it for the next time it happens…she was very right, i did struggle with this.
my evaluation from my supervisor was great, it was nice knowing i did a good job and that this profession suits me. she was a little bummed i couldn’t do more clinical work, but i actually enjoyed doing all the paperwork because it taught me that even though i want to do this for the rest of my life because i love it, it isn’t all gumdrops and lollipops with a cherry on top. i mean, look at the kids I hung out with, they aren’t even five yet.
this internship was incredible because it reconfirmed what i know best and that is, i do best with middle schoolers. but it totally put me out of my comfort zone because i get totally intimidated by pre-k kids, i also learned more of what i don't want to do and that is administrative work, which is what my supervsor did and she enjoys it. i want to be the one sitting their listening to a child or student tell me what is happening in their life, i want to do therapy sessions. besides the internship, i also stayed in a hostel, got my personal space violated by riding a bus everyday, was in a big city by myself, and got to go to some amazing museums that allowed me to make this trip as educational as possible…while having a few fun nights as well! it was a great mixture of everything. this experience i learned to keep myself in the shadows because i was an intern, but i knew when to speak up about somethings, because if i didn’t, it would have looked like i was learning nothing.
when it comes to me and what i learned about myself outside of the internship…that’s another blog for another time.
stay tuned.
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